Being a Mom is hard...

   I knew that being a Mom was going to be hard. I never counted on learning how hard it really is so early in Berkley's life.  Being a mom to a preemie, to a micropreemie has changed my life.  I have a bond with complete strangers now solely on the fact that they understand me. They understand who I am now and the emotional rollercoaster I've been on since Day 1. They don't question why, they just nod in agreement with tears in their eyes. Some days you just hurt. Some days you can't get a grip on your feelings. Some days you want to be a hermit. Some days you are frustrated. Some days all these emotions and thoughts flow through me, but then I remember how strong Berkley is. For him, I'll stand in the storm.

You feel lost and helpless.

The answer to the question "why?" always seems to be "Because he's a small baby."

You can't go whenever you want and hold him or even touch him.

You try to stay positive.

When will the next roadblock be?

Will it be surgery?

Days are long and a mixture of good and bad mostly.

You stare at the Isolator wondering if he will ever get to go home.

You wonder if he knows you are there when he can't hear you or see you.

You hurt when he cries and you can't hold him close.

You ask yourself, Why him? Why us?

Sleepless nights.

Where will they put the IV next?

You celebrate milestones that most people never even experience.

You see babies get admitted and going home while he is still here.

You haven't been home in weeks.

You avoid phone calls and text just simply because you can not emotionally handle another conversation.

You lose track of the date and even what day of the week it is.

You question God's plan.

Some days you dont share news with family and friends.

You cringe when you meet a new doctor because you know something is not 'right'.

You look at every detail of him to see if anything has changed.

Did I eat today?

You pray. You pray a lot.

There's even more tears.

You wonder what he will be like, but then are reminded to take it day by day.

You wouldn't change it because he is here. You are able to touch him, to see him face to face, and to tell him you love him.

You know his life has already changed yours.

You thank God for your miracle everyday.

“She stood in the storm & when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.” – Elizabeth Edwards